Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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