I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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