I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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