They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
