soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
