you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
