this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Randomize
