I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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