Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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