I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
