I think my fart just growled at me.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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