I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
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He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
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I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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