I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
