plz talk dirty to me
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
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