What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
