i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
