do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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