He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
