my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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