So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
