I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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