after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
