my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
