Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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