Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I booty called her while she was in labor.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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