Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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