that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
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Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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