you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
