And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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