you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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