Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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