I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Randomize
