He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
