and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
