Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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