so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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