I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
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Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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