I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
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