I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Randomize
