So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
