she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
