Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
