what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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