No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
