i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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