forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize