Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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