I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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