I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
