Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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