dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
