New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
soo... how was my night?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
