you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
