saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
