Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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