She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
