Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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