ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
