is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
