the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
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