ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
