My girlfriend figured out who you are.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Did you pee in the oven last night??
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
