Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Randomize
