shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
