Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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