dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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