i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I will be naked everywhere
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
